My Beloved Brownie

So, here we are.  Another Angelversay. Number four. I know this is a day I am supposed to celebrate Brownie’s life, but how do you celebrate the worst day of your life? I remember being at the vet’s office sitting on the floor in the little room next to Brownie.  He was having a hard time catching his breath and he wouldn’t look at me.  At 6:03 pm on March 5, 2020 Brownie put his head in my lap as he took his last breath. As I got up I kissed his head goodbye. As I was walking out I turned and looked at him again and told the tech “I don’t want to leave him.” Brownie did not want me to leave him anywhere.  The hardest thing was to leave without him. When I first joined this community I saw that some were grieving their pets for three, five and even for ten years.  How could that be?  I have 22 pets waiting for me on Rainbow Bridge. I loved them all. When they passed I grieved and moved on.  But then I lost Brownie.  Now I get it! When you lose a person or pet that you have such a bond with, it is completely different. After four years Brownie is still the first thing I think about when I open my eyes in the morning and the last thing I think about when I close my eyes at night. 

I always felt, when you lose a pet, when you are ready, bringing a new pet into your home is a way of honoring them. When I first got Kenzie, people told me I was trying to replace Brownie.  They told me because Kenzie is brown. I don’t care if Kenzie was purple green or orange I would still have brought her home.  I remember seeing Kenzie on facebook, and it was like someone was whispering in my ear “that is your dog.  Go get her.” When Kenzie’s fur started growing back in, a white patch on her chest formed an angel.  I took that as a sign. She was meant  to be with me.  I would never try to replace Brownie.  That would be literally impossible! There is only one Brownie Bubba Bell!

Brownie and Kenzie are completely different.  Brownie was a very strong and proud dog.  Very independent. Kenzie needs to be taken care of. Kenize wakes up at the same time every day.  Has a nap at the same time every day, and gets tucked in for bed time at the same time every evening.  Brownie was street smart!  He just knew when something or someone was not right! I remember my ex and I were having an argument.  Brownie was just over a year old. Brownie came walking into the room and started walking circles around my ex. My ex looked at Brownie and left the room.  That was the end of that argument! Even though Kenzie was born on the streets, she does not have a lick of street smarts.  But Kenzie has book smarts. Kenzie was doing level 5 puzzles when she was six months old.  She also has a very high vocabulary. I swear when I speak to her, she just stares like she understands everything I am saying. I have only heard Brownie whine one time. It was four hours after his surgery. I looked at his vet and said “Something is wrong, Brownie does not whine.”  The vet assured me that he was just coming out of the anesthesia.  That is the first and last time I ever heard Brownie whine. Now Kenzie whines everyday!  Kenzie whines if she drops her ball off the bed. If Kenzie wants yogurt she will sit in front of the refrigerator and whine.  If someone knocks at the door Kenzie will whine. If Kenzie wants to do a puzzle she whine!

Brownie was a lovable dog, but he showed his love in a different way.  Brownie didn’t give kisses. He would stick that big head up to my face as close as he could get and take three sniffs. If I was happy he would wag his tail.  If I was sad he would bring me a toy. Brownie was always in protective mode. He did not cuddle but laid at my feet. At night he would jump in the bed, lay at my feet and face the door.  It was like he was on watch.  Now Kenzie, she gives so many kisses sometimes I think she is trying to give me a bath

Something I thought was kinda interesting was happening in our home.  It started about two years ago, but has not happened in several months.  Those of you that know of Brownie know that 7:00 pm was Brownie’s favorite time of the day.  It was cookie time! Everynight when Kenzie and I would be on the couch at 7:00 she would sit up, look into the kitchen and bark. But there was nothing there.  Then after a few minutes she would just lay back down. I thought maybe it was shadows, so some nights I would leave the light on and some nights turn the lights off.  But it kept happening every night at 7:00.  After a couple of months at 7:00 she would sit up and just stare off into the kitchen.  I read that some animals can see spirit animals. Could it have been Brownie visiting?  I sure would like to think so.  Another thing,  when Kenzie sees dogs and other animals on TV she barks!  Yes, Kenzie watches TV.  But when I play a video of Brownie she just stares. I play a video of Sassy, Max or even her, she barks.  But not when the video is of Brownie.

So, to sum up, Brownie and Kenzie are two different dogs.  There is a bond, but the bond is different. But it should be because they are each their own dog. 

Do I still miss Brownie? Absolutely!  Do I still cry? Absolutely!  Do I love Kenzie? Absolutely!

My Dear Beloved Brownie, I love you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you always!!! You will always me my boy and I will always be you mom…

Hi Everyone!  It’s me Brownie! Today is my 3rd year angelversary. Can you believe I have been on Rainbow Bridge for Three Years?  Yep, I sure have.

The last thing I remember is I wasn’t feeling well.  My mom took me to that building that I do not like. We went into a room and mom sat on the floor next to me.  Then that man wearing the white coat came in.  He put something in my leg and the next thing I knew I was here at Rainbow Bridge.

When I arrived, I was first instructed to go over to the gate.  That is where I met a GSD dog named Jerry.  He is the gatekeeper.  I was so confused.  Jerry, where am I and where is my mom? Hi Brownie, your journey has ended and it is time for you to come home.  But it is not a bad thing, coming home is a beautiful thing! Jerry told me once I go through the gate it is like magic. The old are young, the sick are well, the blind can see, the deaf can hear, all are whole, and most of all, the homeless and unloved are now home and forever loved.  So, as Jerry said I hopped through the gate. Jerry was right! It was like magic! I felt like a pup again.  I was jumping up and down on four with excitement.  I couldn’t believe it! Jerry held his head up and laughed out loud. Jerry then told me I needed to go check in.

So, I went to check in and that is where I met a dog named Happy Hannah. She greeted me with a big smile!  Happy Hannah, I am confused. Jerry told me I was home but where is my mom? I never go anywhere without my mom. We are never apart. Oh Brownie, it is not time for your mom to come home. But if you close your eyes and think really hard with your heart you will be able to see your mom.  So, I did as Hannah said, and  yes, I could see my mom! But it made me sad. Mom was sitting on the couch with Sassy and Max and water was coming out of her eyes.  I knew I had  to put a plan together. It took awhile but then she was born. A pup now named Kenzie.  I just knew she would be perfect!

Now, Kenzie does get herself into a bit of trouble, but that is ok.  I used to get in a lot of trouble too,  but I turned out to be the best dog in the world! I know it’s true because my mom told me so. Sometimes my friends and I will jump over to cloud nine and watch mom chasing after Kenzie.  It is so funny we just laugh our tails off!  I know my mom still misses me and thinks of me every day.  I can still hear her whispering in my ear, “I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you always.” But when I see my mom laughing, dancing, and playing with Kenzie I know she is going to be just fine.  My plan worked perfectly! I thanked Happy Hannah and she shared some deer poop with me. I started yawning because I was feeling tired from this journey. Hannah pointed over to a little dog and told me to go talk to her. She will show you the best places to take a nap.

I walked over to this tree where I met a little dog named Pug Maggie.  Hi Pug Maggie, I was told you could show me the best place to take a nap.  Absolutely Brownie!  That is my job. I show all the newcomers the best place to nap.  It is a very important job I have because so many are so tired when they first come home.  Follow me said Pug Maggie. I followed Pug Maggie and she took me to a beautiful place. The pasture was so green.  There was a body of water that was so blue.  I have never seen water that blue and there was a tree that was so tall I couldn’t even see the top.  Pug Maggie and I snuggled up against the tree and took a nap.  It was the best nap I have ever had, even though Pug Maggie snores a little.  But that is ok, so does my mom.

I was awoken by this bouncing sound.  What is that?  There I saw a very strong looking dog with a shiny black coat bouncing a ball. He looked like a Warrior.  He was wearing something around his neck but it wasn’t a collar. It made me curious. I just had to find out what it was.  I walked up and introduced myself. Hi I’m Brownie.  In a very kind voice he said, Hi Brownie, my name is Nitro. Nitro, what is that around your neck? This is my necklace.  It is the same necklace my mom has worn everyday since I came home. When my mom touches her necklace and thinks of me at the same time I am touching my necklace and thinking of her. Even though we are apart we are always together. What Nitro said made me smile because I know My mom and I will always be together.  Nitro also showed me a whistle he wears. Why do you have a whistle Nitro? Well Brownie,  I am the athletic director here on Rainbow Bridge.   I am always looking for new athletic dogs. How about you Brownie? I held my head down in shame. Well Nitro, I have never been the athletic type but I have a heck of a nose.  If you ever lose anything just let me know and I will find it. My mom used to always get lost at the dog park and I would find her every time. Nitro laughed, and said I certainly will.

A brown dog walked up and introduced himself. Hi, my name is Mitchell. But everyone calls me “Sweet Mitchell.” I just came over to get Nitro, we have a soccer game. I love to play ball.  One of my most favorite things to do was to play ball with my grandpa. Hey Brownie, do you play, Mitchell asked. No, but I would love to watch. Nitro and Mitchell told me I was invited anytime to watch the soccer game. They made me feel so welcomed.

I have met many friends since I arrived at Rainbow Bridge. One day I was walking through the pasture just enjoying its beauty and all the smells. Then, I looked over and there she was. What a big beauty! I just had to meet her. I decided to play it cool and mosey over and introduce myself. I have to admit, I was very nervous. Hi there!  My name is Brownie. In such a sweet voice she replied, Hi , my name is Roane. What are you doing Roane? Well, I am just hanging out and chasing frogs. Chasing frogs? But why? Because it’s fun.  On days Jerry is not busy at the gate we will chase frogs for hours. To be honest I just didn’t get it, but I stuck around so I could get to know Roane better.

Then wouldn’t you know, as soon as I was getting to know Roane I heard Wyatt calling me.  Wyatt always has such perfect timing!  People think I am vocal, they should hear Wyatt! Wyatt came home a short time after me. It turns out that Jerry and Wyatt have the same humans and both of them traveled all over the United States in an RV to help tripawds everywhere. Those two are always up to something. Since Wyatt came home, he stands on one side of the gate and Jerry stands on the other.  Wyatt put me on the welcome committee. I pass out cookies to the newcomers. It is a very hard job because I want to eat all the cookies. But Wyatt said we have to share and he knew I could do it.   Wyatt started calling me, again! I excused myself from Roane and let her know I needed to get in the welcome line but I would be back. Bye Brownie, Roane said in that sweet voice.  

I just wanted to check in with my Tripawd family and let you know how I was doing and about some of the new friends I have found on Rainbow Bridge. There are so many! Sassy, Louie, Griffin, Ginger, Bob, Nellie, Hank, Kaiserin, Samson, Czar, Riot, Maya, and Mighty Max to name just a few. I know we are all missed, but as Happy Hannah taught me, if you close your eyes and think really hard with your heart we will always be together…

Bye for now and always remember, coming home is not a bad thing, it is a BEAUTIFUL thing!

Love to all,

Brownie Bubba Bell

I learned life’s most important lessons from a Dog.  A Dog named Brownie.

My Dear Beloved Brownie, I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will love you ALWAYS!

Mom

   In Honor of Our Big Brother on His Two Year Angelversary…

 

 

Hi Brownie, I am sorry you got sick.  I tried to take care of you.  One day you left with mom and you didn’t come home.  I was very sad.  Mom told me that I now was the big brother.  Mom said one day we will all be together again.  I hope we can go to our favorite park.  And when we go swimming you will swim right next to me like you use to.  Thank you for always watching over me and keeping the mean dogs away from me at the park.  I was always so proud to call you my big brother!  Love Little Max.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Brownie, this is Sassy.  I know we were never that close, but I am sorry you got sick.  I’m sorry I picked on you, but you had a smell I did not like.  But once you came home from surgery I didn’t smell it anymore.  When I would act up you always put me in my place.  Even though you never hurt me I deftinely got the message.  Don’t worry about Little Max.  I am not picking on him.  Your sister Sassy.

Hi Brownie.  This is your sister Kenzie.  Even though we never met I know all about you.  Mom talks about you all the time!  Mom saids you had the best manners of any dog she ever new.  Mom also saids I need to work on mine.  I am trying Brownie, but it is so hard!  Sometimes when mom talks about you water comes out of her eyes.  But I lick her face and that makes her smile.  Don’t worry about mom, I am taking care of her and keeping her very busy!  I hope you are having fun on the Bridge with old friends and new.

Love your spirit sister Kenzie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OUR BELOVED BROWNIE, GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.  04/01/2007 – 03/05/2020

 

 

Today on March 5, 2021 is Brownie’s one  year Angelversary.  I never thought of life without Brownie.  It was not an option!  When Brownie was first diagnosed with Osteosarcoma I prayed every night for one more day.  Please, just one more day.  We were blessed with 373 more days.  I have read that many members ask “how do I know when it’s time”?  Well, I can’t answer for everyone but I can tell you how I knew Brownie was ready.  Brownie was tired.  When I looked in his eyes I no longer saw his sparkle.   I could no longer feel his soul.  It was like looking at a blank page. Brownie could have held on longer but he was no longer happy.  When we first began this journey I promised Brownie I would not be selfish.  I would not hold on to him for me.  So, I kept my promise and said goodbye even though it was one the hardest things I ever had to do, but I did it for Brownie.

I have found it’s the little things that I miss so much!  Brownie coming  up to me with a sparkle in his eye and love in his heart just to say “I love you mom”.  The deep Woof Woof when the garage door opens.  Greeting me at the door with a wagging tail and a stuffy in his mouth.  And the famous Woof Woof at 7:00 pm, cookie time.  I have realized that the little things are the most important things. The things I treasure the most!

For such a long time I felt like I fell in a black hole and could not find my way out.  On August 22, 2020 the sun began to shine.  A sick 12 week old puppy came into my life, who I named Kenzie.  Some people said I was trying to replace Brownie.  When I hear that all I can do is laugh! There will always only be one “Brownie Bubba Bell” and he is irreplaceable!  The way Kenzie’s story unfolded, some of you have said Kenzie was sent by Brownie.  When Kenzie began to heal, I noticed the white fur on her chest was in the shape of an Angel.  I would like to think Brownie put it there just to let me know that he is watching over us. Kenzie has definitely found a home in my heart.

When Brownie passed a lot of you told me “Brownie doesn’t want you to be sad”.  To tell you the truth I didn’t believe it.  I thought “they are just saying that to make me feel better”.  I started thinking back,  and I remember I  always worried if something happened to me, what would happen to Brownie?  Brownie would not go with another human, and the thought of him ending up in a shelter was devastating.  So, I thought that Grizzly and his dad would be the best option since Brownie loved Grizzly so much.  So I made arrangements with Grizzly’s dad and funds would be provided for Brownie’s care if something happened to me.  I just wanted Brownie to be happy!  Then it all clicked.  I wanted Brownie to be happy if something happened to me.  So, of course Brownie wants me to be happy!  Maybe he did send Kenzie to make me happy?  It finally all clicked in this thick stubbrand head of mine.  Brownie wants me to be happy!

This is my final tribute to Brownie. I never thought I would say this but It is time to say goodbye.  Not that I will ever stop missing Brownie.  Not that I will ever stop thinking about Brownie.  Not that I will ever stop loving Brownie. I will still have tears, but laughter as well as the memories come pouring in.  As long as I have the memories Brownie will never die.   It is time to set him free.  I do not want Brownie to feel strapped down because of my grief.  I don’t want Brownie to feel guilty because I am sad.  I have always been so proud of Brownie for so many reasons, and I know whatever journey he is on he is still making me proud.   This is not a sad time.  I finally got it!  I know that Brownie is fine and happy again! The only thing that matters is Brownie is happy!  He is in a beautiful place, pain free and whole again, and at the same time I know he is still with me.  He is feeling a love that the rest of us can only imagine. Now it is time for Brownie to be proud of me! I truly believe the way I can make Brownie proud of me is to move forward with life and to be happy!

When the day comes my ashes will be spread with Brownie’s ashes. But until that day comes I will  embrace each day as Brownie taught me, and as Brownie did.  I know Brownie will be watching and looking over us the entire time.   I know in my heart, one day Brownie and I will be together again….

My Dear Beloved Brownie, Thank you for picking me! Thank you for loving me!  Thank you for your loyalty! Thank you for always standing by me through the hard times and the good times! Thank you for being there when no one else was! Thank you for all the lessons you taught me! Most of all, Thank you for just being you! You will always be my heart, and I will never ever forget you!

I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will love you always!

Mom

 

Kenzie, Max, Sassy, and I are wishing everyone a Merry Christmas! This Christmas will be bitter sweet.  I am excited that this will be Kenzie’s first Christmas!  I can’t wait to see how excited she will be when she finds her stocking full of goodies! However, with some of the things she has done, it should be full of coal.  lol.  But I am also feeling a lot of emotion, because this will be the first Christmas without Brownie since 2008.  Brownie loved Christmas!  When the tree and the stockings went up, he knew what was coming, and he definitely knew who Santa Clause was!

Christmas 2017

 

 

Christmas 2018 (sorry video is a little dark).  I can’t believe just two months later he would be diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, and our life would be turned upside down.  But thanks to this amazing community we made it through.

 

 

2019 was Brownie’s last Christmas.  Due to the cancer, and the senior issues Brownie was having, I knew it would be, so I tried to make it special.  He was a happy boy Christmas morning when he saw how full his stocking was, and of course the traditional turkey.

Christmas 2019

Brownie had the same stocking since 2008.  Christmas just wouldn’t be the same without it.  So this year it hangs on his nook.

 

We are Wishing Everyone a safe and Merry Christmas! We hope all your pet’s stockings are full of goodies this year!